The longer I live, the more I see and realize about our world and culture. Some things can be very good and inspiring, while other things are not so much… One of the things I have started to notice more and more is how the different sexes treat each other, and it really, really makes me upset. So here are my honest thoughts.
Men, women are not objects. We are human beings with thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and dreams just like you. When you are nice to women only to get something from them in return (read sex), you are being nothing but selfish. When you are friends with women or approach women only because of your physical attraction to them, you are treating them as nothing but objects for your eyes and pleasure. When you are out and looking for attractive women to look at, you are seeing those women, not as people, but objects. We go to stores to look at things to buy. We should not be shopping for people - that is called slavery. Slavery was the ownership of people who were considered property or “things”. Women are not your property to show off to others how attractive they are. We do that at dog shows with dogs. That is incredibly dehumanizing. It is also incredibly shallow to only have anything to do with people we find physically attractive. The truth is, we as women can’t help whether you find us attractive or not. We’re born with what we have and can’t do much about it, just like you can’t. How would you feel if only the women who were physically attracted to you talked to you? Or if the only reason I was friends with you was so I could sleep with you? It is dehumanizing and nothing but selfish and it needs to stop. Both men and women need to do a better job of valuing people for their character, something we must work hard for and create ourselves, and not our looks over which we have little control. Start appreciating people for who they have become, not for what they look like on the outside. Once you do, you will find that your life will be overflowing with truly beautiful people, inside and out.
Also, being a man does not give you the right to be vulgar or insensitive. Being vulgar is very much related to the previous point (especially sexual jokes) because if men viewed women the way they should, they wouldn’t make a lot of those jokes. It’s not very becoming or flattering from a woman’s point of view, and all it does is perpetuate the notion that women are only good for sex (objects). ”Boys will be boys” is a horrible philosophy. Because you are a boy does not give you the right to say or do whatever you want and not have any consequences. Boys are just as capable of controlling themselves as girls are. And I know it may not be considered “manly” to have feelings or care about other people, but it’s human. We all should care about other people and consider other people before ourselves, regardless of our gender. Being a man doesn’t give you a trump card. As a matter of fact, Jesus was a man and He went so far as to die for those that he loved. Not only did He die for them, He lived for them as well. He was the most loving person to have ever lived. He even told people that He loved them! And He is no less a man for doing so. Being kind and considerate to others, especially when they are not kind and considerate towards you, requires true strength of will and heart.
Also, it really bothers me when men just write women off as crazy. Some women are crazy, and so are some men, but not all women are crazy (and not all men are). Let’s face it, you writing off women as crazy is just your excuse to not try to understand women. I think society has done a big disservice to the genders by portraying men as easy to understand and women as complicated. Women really can be understood, just like men. It just takes work…just like understanding men, or anybody for that matter, takes work. People, in general, do not always make sense, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try. If you at least try to understand women better, your life will be so much better.
Now… Women, men are not stupid and not all of them are jerks. Men are just different than women. TV tends to portray the males of any sitcom as stupid or incompetent, especially fathers, and this couldn’t be farther from the truth. While I’m sure men like that do exist, men are very intelligent and capable. Men process and think about things differently than women do. Just because you can articulate your thoughts and emotions better than he can does not make you more intelligent or capable. Also, just because a man struggles to articulate his emotions, does not mean he doesn’t have them or feel them just as deeply as you. You have practice doing that with your girlfriends, he doesn’t! Give him a break (and some time to gather his thoughts)! Men are also not all jerks. Men are very sweet in their own way. Most any man would do anything to make a woman happy or put a smile on her face. However, I understand very well that it doesn’t always come across that way. Sometimes men do some pretty boneheaded things (from our perspective), but they usually don’t mean them the way it comes across. Men don’t process things the way women do. While men tend to take things at face value, women tend to look for meaning behind things. I have been hurt many times by things that men have done that they never intended to come across that way. They were trying to save money or time, not tell me that I was invaluable or disrespect me. They come at it from a different angle, and it’s not usually the emotional side. That doesn’t make them a jerk, it just makes them different! I’m saying all this to say, give men the benefit of the doubt. If he says he loves you and he’s still around you, he really does mean it, even if he does some seemingly “boneheaded” things sometimes.
Also, being a woman doesn’t give you the crazy license. Yes, women can be more emotional than men, but that doesn’t mean you use it to your advantage or not exercise self-control. I absolutely cannot stand it when women cry or are emotionally manipulative in other ways to get what they want. That’s what babies do (albeit with completely pure intentions). Women being emotionally manipulative is the same as men being manipulative to get physical. (Also, emotional pornography like Twilight, Notebook, etc. are just as damaging to women as physical pornography is for men. And as a side note, expecting a man to be emotionally perfect is just as ridiculous as a man expecting a woman to be physically perfect. It just doesn’t happen.) Being passive aggressive and ostracizing people and emotionally attacking people is just as bad as beating someone up and just as damaging. We shouldn’t tolerate it more than we tolerate physical aggression. Being a woman also does not excuse emotional tirades or outbursts. We must exercise self-control! It also does not excuse oversensitive feelings or emotions. We need to learn not to take everything so personal or make such a big deal out of the simplest of things. They may not have meant it the way we took it (see previous point).
Also, you are not your body. Read it again: You are not your body. You are what’s inside of you and who you choose to be. You do not have to show off what you have in order for some guy to like you or be attracted to you. You do not have to show any cleavage or show off your rear end or wear the tightest clothes. If it’s not for sale, don’t put it on display. If you do put it on display, do not get mad when men stare or treat you like a piece of meat. The truth is, you are not a piece of meat for men to gawk at! Have more respect for yourself than that and dress the part. You shouldn’t want to turn men’s heads, but their hearts. Let them be attracted to who you are on the inside, not what you have on the outside. Do you want him to love you for what you have (your body) or who you are? Until you realize this, only the men mentioned in the second paragraph will go for you because that’s what you are portraying. You are not being helpful to men who are trying to see you as a person when you are only showing yourself as an object and encouraging them to view you and other women as such. And we as women should never use our looks to get our way. That is nothing but shallow and manipulative and disrespectful to yourself. Don’t sell yourself short. Your value doesn’t come from how many men look at you or find you attractive. That’s not love; that is nothing but lust. Your value comes from your character and the fact that God sent His Son to die for you. You are not valuable for what you look like, but who you are. Dress like it and act like it.
There you have it. My thoughts. Take them for what you will. As a whole, both genders need to be less selfish and more considerate and understanding of others. Easier said than done. In reality, we can really learn a lot from the opposite gender. I’ll leave you with a quote I read a long time ago that I’ve always loved:
"The best people we have ever known are those who marry both the genders within themselves."